September 18, 2017-  Week 7 Day 1 Chemo/Radiation- Pause

Well. This weekend sucked. Like really bad sucked. It's been the first time I truly struggled to be positive, and had to fight hard to not lose my shit. Well let's be honest, I lost my shit and had to fight really hard to regain it. I've had horrible throat and chest pain, on top of tired and achy, and then added vomiting to the list. This is the "really bad" that the radiologist was predicting and warned me of. They've been great about trying to help think of things to make it easier and keep me comfortable and I do appreciate it very much. At the same time the negative mean person in me says "sure you try all this and let me know how it works out". Thankfully I've almost reached the point where now I just need to recover from all of this. I am trying to be realistic and don't expect to just wake up all better, but would like to hope that toward the end of the week see some significant improvement. We've decided to have a short break so that should help. I guess I'm playing let's make a deal.. I can take the tired just please let me be able to swallow without feeling like I'm ripping in half, literally. Initially any time they asked me about pain I tried to compare it to child birth, because well what's worse? But if I'm being honest this is an entirely different pain. Hopefully still with a really nice prize at the end. I keep remembering what my Doug says and tell myself if this is tearing me apart surely it's ripping bastard cancers ass to shreds. My momma says if you've got nothing nice to say... I almost chose not to post at all since there's so much negative, but surely nobody thought this journey was going to be all sunshine and flowers. Oh! I had a craving for an Arby's Beef and Cheddar for dinner! That's positive 🙂 and if I can eat it I'll be over the moon with delight. Mark has been so great about making/getting anything I want even though we throw half of it or more away. Then he just smiles and goes and makes me something else until it works.